For a while now, I’ve been entertained by the Dos Equis beer marketing campaign, featuring actor Jonathan Goldsmith as the Most Interesting Man in the World. The character is the sort of passenger you’d love to see on your flight. Of course, he’d sit in first class, but wouldn’t act pompous. If there was a decompression, he wouldn’t need an oxygen mask. And if you didn’t have any Dos Equis onboard, it wouldn’t matter as he doesn’t always drink beer. His rich, brown, suede-like hands would be quite happy holding a snifter of cognac or a tumbler of scotch.
I began to wonder, if there was a Most Interesting Flight Attendant in the World, how would you describe her*?
- she once water skied behind an A320 on the Hudson River
- A three-star Michelin chef prepares her crew meals
- the lights turn off early at the Eiffel Tower when she needs her crew rest in Paris
- her airline repainted their planes in her favourite color
- her flights always arrive on time, even when they depart late
- she can close any overhead bin using one finger
- she pours coffee and tea from the same pot
- hotels always gives her an ocean view suite, even when she has a layover in the
prairies, but she never has layovers in the prairies.
- passengers ask if she would like something to drink
- she can disarm any door just by looking at it
- she deices the aircraft’s wings by blowing them a kiss
- her PA announcements reach the top 10 on the Billboard charts
- when she asks passengers to fasten their seatbelts, you hear one loud click
- she quit her job as a pilot because it was boring to only fly on one aircraft
- first-class passengers want to move to economy when she’s working there, but she
never works there
- she doesn’t need fatigue shoes
- pilots pay for her meals on the layover
- she once turned down a date with George Clooney because she promised to have dinner with her crew
- every passenger earns double air miles on her flights
- sky marshals ask her for security advice
- there is never any turbulence on her flights, unless she feels like sitting down for a while
- she buys real designer handbags in Hong Kong for the price of a knockoff
- her meal carts are never out of beef or chicken
- she speaks every route language, but finds mind reading is much easier
- she had jet lag once, just to see what it was like
*Okay, I know that men are flight attendants too.
I’d love to hear your description of “The Most Interesting Flight Attendant in the World.”
© 2012 – 2013, Heather Zorzini. All rights reserved.